Yo voy a matar conejos!

(I wrote this a few days ago.)

Yesterday I borrowed Seleña’s bici to see if I could find la granja de Megan. We all met Megan at the beginning of the season. She’s an expat who farms just outside of Garzon. We buy a few things from her. (Not enough in my opinion but farm to table isn’t really a concept people understand here. The fleeting seasonality of small scale farming has not been embraced by the restaurant business here.) When we met her, both Gonza and I expressed interest in learning to slaughter rabbits with her. She does it every Friday morning.

She usually comes by the restaurant with some produce once a week, so last week, I asked her how to get to her farm. The week before I tried a different road out of town while going for a run to see if I could just happen upon it. I ran for an hour before turning around. Needless to say, I did not find it. But I did run for two hours which I have never done in my life. But she gave me some directions that sounded easy, so I was pretty sure I could do it this time.

The only part that tricked me was that she didn’t say explicitly that I had to walk across the stream by the bridge. I remember her saying once that she can’t go on the shortcut when there is rain, but that doesn’t necessarily mean you have to go through a stream since roads flood, too.

Anyway, I found my way there yesterday, and we chatted for a while. She is a talker! But I learned more about her farm, how she got here, what last season at the restaurant was like, muchas cosas. And I asked her if her offer to come by for a slaughter session was still open, and she said of course. Also, whenever I wanted a place to escape to, her porch was always open to me. 

So this morning I headed out at 6:30 AM to get there by 7. I borrowed Sele’s bike again, which was funny because she’s a vegetarian and was slightly appalled by what I was asking to use her bike for, but she understood and I think appreciated that I wanted to kill what I was eating myself.

I got there, and as life on a farm goes, the schedule had changed and they wouldn’t start slaughtering for a while longer. So I helped Megan harvest some kale and chatted some more.

Then the boys were back, so it was slaughter time. I didn’t kill the first one I processed. Ruben killed it, and then Megan showed me how to make all the cuts skin it and take it apart. Then I got to kill one and do it again.

It was remarkably easy to kill it. Obviously for everyone else it wasn’t a big deal at all, so I wanted to be nonchalant as well. My main worry was that I wouldn’t kill it instantly and it would be in pain, but this was a non-issue. It is very easy to kill a rabbit. Instant, no fear or stress. I actually couldn’t believe that I had just killed something because I didn’t feel any different. I felt good that I had learned something useful and proud that I had finally gone through with this idea, but I didn’t feel anything about the actual act of killing it. Obviously I’m grateful to the animal, but I wasn’t going to get weepy or anything.

Afterwards, I helped prep the hides from the rabbits we had just slaughtered. Then Megan gave me four pelts that had been partially treated and just need to be stretched out more. A few hours of fun work ahead of me!

I got to take 4 conejos with me to make staff dinner with. Sol helped me with breaking down the rabbits and cooking them. It wasn’t the greatest dinner, I’ll admit, since we were pressed for time, but it was good. And definitely healthy meat, which is always a plus.

All in all, a very successful day.

Un dia franco

So last week I had my first day off in over a month. Holy. shit. Never has a day tasted so sweet.

Gabi had the same day off, so we made a plan to go to Jose Ignacio since... well, it's just what people do at first. I don't think it's actually the closest interesting place, but it is the closest beach. It's definitely not the easiest to get to.

We didn't have a secure plan for how to get there. There is one bus one of Garzon a day at 9 am that goes to San Carlos, but you get can off before then. From there, you go "a dedo" or hitch hiking for the last 15 or so kilometers to Jose Ignacio. Cars are super expensive in Uruguay so not many people have them. Only a couple people here.

Well, Gabi is not a morning person, at least not here. I tried to hurry him along in the morning since I was desperate to get the f out of here. I waited at the bus stop (it's like 2 blocks from the house) until the bus came, asked if they would wait a minute, then ran back to the house to get Gabi. Alas, as we turned the corner, we saw the bus driving away. I dropped all my things with Gabi and took off running, but I didn't stand a chance. Nothing happens on time here except that bus apparently.

But a nice lady, the owner of one of the other restaurants here El Molino saw us and stopped. She gave us a lift to the highway, passing the bus, so we could catch it there. Then we hopped on the bus for a bit, then got off at the road to Jose Ignacio. We got lucky and got a ride from the second car that came by. It was two older men going in for work. I think they were plumbers or something like that. Gabi makes conversation.

We got off at Ancap, the gas station with some stores next door. We bought some water and snacks, then got breakfast at the panaderia. Cappuccinos and pastries. Really good pan de chocolate. It has become the pastry I'm known for here.

Then we crossed the road, walked through the brush, and arrived at the lovely beach. It isn't white sand, but it's nice. The beaches are super clean too. It was a sunny day and the water is warming up, so swimming is nice. For me, the waves are a bit too big, but I got in for a bit. Spent some time reading in the sun.

Then we got lunch at a restaurant called Popei... that's Pop-eye, as in the cartoon. I don't know how or why that came to pass, but there it is. It was good, normal. Through my smoothie was very refreshing. Then we walked around for a a bit. There's really not much going on in Jose Ignacio, but it's better than Garzon.

Jose Ignacio is on a point, so you can walk across it really easily and be on the other beach. We decided to go up in the faro, or lighthouse. It was a cute little excursion and less than a dollar to go up.

Then we went back to the beach. We stopped at had a couple drinks at La Huella, the big name restaurant in Jose Ignacio. Gabi had a caipirinha, which was definitely the best one we had. It's a brazilian drink. More on the bitter side, which is often a safer bet because sweet things can be too sweet here.

Then we were on a mission to figure out how we were getting back to Garzon. The return bus wasn't an option any more (and it was never in our plan since it leaves San Carlos at 5). We had to hunt for wifi, but eventually got in touch with people in Garzon and found out a few people were coming into Jose Ignacio. We met up with them, met their other cook friend at another restaurant. Then we realized we were all hungry and got delicious burritos at Santa Teresita.

Freedom. That wonderful thing my country was founded on. It's amazing.

Gracias a dios

The high season is over. Thank you, baby jesus.

I have no sense of time here. This week I had my first day off in almost 5 weeks. And days are still long. While it is of course true that young people are attracted to what Francis Mallmann has to offer, I have also decided that it is only young people who can keep up with this schedule. (There are, of course, a few people older than me, but like I said, it's mostly 22-24 year olds.) I am so beat down.

I don't even know how long the high season really was. Was it really only one terrible week? I have no idea. I feel like an astronaut floating in space most of the time. It's as if I can see earth, it's familiar, but so different from this perspective. Things are the same, but very different. And at any point, your safety line might break and you will be totally lost, and for me, that fear is always there, a little. Fear of messing up badly in the kitchen, fear of not understanding, fear of being a bother to people. And of course, the lack of sleep makes everything harder.

I didn't actually work in the kitchen for that crazy week. Everyone was so stressed that there was no time to explain things to someone like me. It was difficult enough to keep things together with all the trained cooks. I spent a lot of time in the back of the kitchen processing herbs and greens and such. For me this was fine, though a bit boring. And also it was awkward to feel so expendable when everyone else was so stressed out. If I could communicate better, I could have been so much more useful. I spent a lot of time struggling with this feeling. No one else seemed to really think this though or hold it against me, but it was difficult for me.

The disorder of south america definitely got to Gonza (the other American) and I during this time. We had a few moments of 'what the hell are we doing here? America is the greatest country on earth' in the walk-in refrigerator.

But man, that week. I'm still feeling it, but my dia franco (day off) helped enormously. I was feeling a break down coming on. We barely ate or slept that week. I can only speak for the kitchen team, but I would come in around 8. There wasn't really any food to speak of except bread in Barrales, so I would sometimes have a couple pieces or an apple once I got to the kitchen. Then we worked. The rest of the team was so overloaded that even though it is part of our job to make lunch and dinner for everyone, they rarely had time to eat it. I could have walked away from what I was doing, but I felt guilty if I did (sometimes). Therefore, I usually didn't have lunch either. Actually though, I made it a point to have one good meal a day. Either make time for lunch or dinner, but rarely both that week.

And lack of sleep. Even though I got off earlier than the rest of the crew who were working the dinner, it was hard to go to sleep early. Like I said before, I wanted to spend time with people NOT working, which meant waiting up. And also my room... it is directly off of the kitchen, which is the entrance to Barrarles. So everyone walks through at different times since different areas of the hotel work different hours. AND our door doesn't have a latching mechanism (except a lock thing that we can't use because then whoever is out couldn't get in) so it swings open unless something is propped against it. And people mostly hang out in the kitchen next to our room or in the covered area right outside our room. It's a good thing I'm skilled at sleeping through almost anything, at least once I fall asleep.

Maira and I obviously did not have the time or energy to work out. Which eventually caught up to me. I was having a terrible day, though I couldn't say why. Maybe my worst, even though nothing bad in particular happened. But I had all this negative energy being twisted into a knot in my chest. That night though, Mai and I got off at like 8 or so. She asked if I wanted to go for a run, and I was so relieved. I had realized that being inside all the time and not working out was not helping my sanity. That night I ran about 5 miles and felt so much better.


Everyone was having a hard time. Some people never complained, some made it clear they were very unhappy, and others were in between. But everyone was feeling it. I have never seen a group of people more tired and stressed out.

Anyway, it's over. A lot of the crew leaves on Sunday. It will be nice to have less people in Barrales and a more chill environment, but it also means that Maira and Fiona are leaving me. I have gotten a little closer with more of the guys, but obviously it's different with your girl friends. I'm very bummed about this, but also happy for them. They need to go for their sanity. I'm questioning mine, obviously. I had initially thought I would stay for the whole season, but it really depends on how things change. Will the decrease in personnel make me more stressed or make for more opportunities to learn? How will the hours be divided? And days off?? I can never figure this place out. Even when there are answers to these questions, they generally change immediately or never follow through.

For example: Gonza's girlfriend sent him a package from New York a week or so ago. He leaves Uruguay February 5 or so. We can't get mail here, so he had it sent to a friend of the manager in Montevideo, and it will somehow get from Montevideo to here. I bet him a bottle of wine that it won't make it here before he leaves. I'm sure it will make it to Montevide, but it's the second part... Pretty sure I'm going to win that bet. But I would actually love to be wrong. We shall see.

Anyway, this was a bit of a downer, but like I said, I'm feeling better after my day off. This was just a reflection of one of the hardest times I have ever been through. It has been darker than that desolate winter in North Bend during AmeriCorps, but not as dark as that winter in Portland that crushed my soul. I'll write something up on my day off soon. It was lovely. Ciao!

The dark days of summer

So we have entered full swing. I haven’t had a decent night’s sleep since before New Years, and generally work about 14-15 hours a day. I’m not in the kitchen anymore during lunch or dinner service, so I don’t have that pressure, but I also don’t have that adrenaline rush to keep me going. 

Some days are very tedious. Yesterday I spent hours and hours working on almonds. I guarantee you take for granted sliced and toasted almonds. I had to blanche, peel, and cut hundreds. Hundreds. Ugh. I got my first blister from holding a knife for so long.

I mostly do prep work now. Lots of picking the leaves from parsley, basil, cilantro, thyme, mint, and oregano and some other things like making bread crumbs. But the things I know how to make from start to finish are the eggplant dip for appetizer, milanesas, ñoquis, gazpacho, and zucchini salad. I don’t know anything from the fire station where Diego and Gonza work. I only know the milas and gnocchi since Gabi was without a partner for so long, and I think he was hoping I might be able to fill it if he could teach me enough.

However, we got another addition to the team yesterday too: Lorenzo from Rome. He’s a friend of Sol and 22. Jesus, everyone is young here. But he speaks nearly perfect english because he spent some of his childhood in Singapore and went to an international school. His parents own a used bookstore in Rome now, which is pretty cool. He is to be Gabi’s compañero at the “piano” station. Gabi doesn’t know why it’s called the piano, but it’s the wood burning stove tops. Gabi is very happy to finally have real help. (I was only sort of helpful since I’m not a cook and I don’t think Sol felt comfortable putting me in a place of much more responsibility.) He has been the only station without a partner, and it’s a station that requires a lot of prep.

Today I left after only 12.5 hours of work though! Hot damn. I always work the early shift since I’m not a cook and not needed for dinner, generally about 8 AM to 10 PM. I think this will lessen now that we have another compañero though. But it’s better than working the dinner shift. They get a couple hours off after the lunch shift and then have to come back, which would definitely annoy me.

A couple days ago Mai also had dinner shift off so we went to a little hole in the wall place that she knows from last year and had shared a bottle of wine. I also look forward to when Gabi has time off because he is hands down the best person to talk with. He corrects my spanish and never gets frustrated with my constant ‘no entiendo.’ 

I would love to go to sleep early, but on the other hand, it’s still important that I spend time with people, solidifying friendships, so I usually stay awake until the dinner shift is off, which is unfortunately after midnight. 

Which why I’m back at the hotel restaurant now with my friends.